At least Sarah Silverman knows that Doc Ellis pitched a no-hitter on LSD...

In a pretty painful interview Saturday Night during the Yanks/RedSox game, comedian Sarah Silverman turned a question about steroids in baseball into a comment about the benefits of Acid (LSD).
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Yea, Doc Ellis pitched a no-hitter in 1970 while tripping on Acid.
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At least Sarah Silverman had one highlight, because the rest was just unwatchable.
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Saints owner: "Hey, Pope. My ring is cooler than your ring."

Here's New Orleans Saints owner Tom Benson pimping his Super Bowl ring to the Pope.
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Via PFT: “I said to him I’d like to show you my ring,” Benson told Bruce Nolan of the New Orleans Times-Picayune, with his wife by his side during the interview. ”I told him what it was, you know? It’s a Super Bowl ring. And he understood that, right, darling?”

No, there is no "N" in "Clam _igger" on Wheel of Fortune

Pat Sajak (with a straight face): "No 'N', hmmm"

Prince William has a wedding registry...?

Here is Prince William (Real Name: William Spencer) and Kate Middleton's Wedding Registry. and THIS...

Now I like to rail on rich people who ask for wedding gifts...But The Prince of England - Second in line to the Throne - SHOULD NOT be asking for a wedding gift from Crate & Barrel.
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Prince William can afford a toilet that gives him a Blow Job...

Ameture hockey player assaults Ref, gets arrested... Released on $80 bond.

So my buddy DiMo plays in a completely ameture hockey league in Greenwich Conn. He's a 45-year old father of 3 who makes multiple millions of dollars a year and he is by no means a tough guy.
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But he was telling me about his game last night, where THIS happened:
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"After a slashing penalty was called against a hockey player during a game at the rink late last night, referee Peter Tarantino of Cos Cob said he was punched in the face two times by a scrappy Norwalk player. Hockey player Martin Durkaj, 31, of 116 Rowayton Woods Road, Norwalk, was charged with second-degree breach of peace and criminal attempt at third-degree assault."
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The funniest thing, to me at least, was this: "He was released on $80 bond."
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$80 bucks for assault? Jesus, I have at least twice that on me most times. From what he told me the Ref was a good sport about it and even had beers with the winning team after the game to show off his black eye...
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And the worst part of the situation is that my buddy DiMo - a BIG hockey fan - missed this:
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Colin the skateboarding 17-month old.

Here's my buddy Matt's 17-month old kid Colin trying to surf on a skateboard. The kid has pretty good balance. Due to an editing error, the action starts at the 30 second mark.
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surf styles 17 months from m fuller on Vimeo.

Charlie Sheen: "My balls are sweating like a gerbil in a Richard Gere convention."

So...Charlie Sheen was booed off the stage at Radio City Music Hall last night. But he did have at least one funny line.
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Talking about almost being caught snorting cocaine in an airplane bathroom, he said: "My balls are sweating like a gerbil in a Richard Gere convention."
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Sadly, I can't really relate. As a 6 foot 4 inch 200 pound dude, I can barely fit in an airplane bathroom, let alone do drugs in one.
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But he apparently bombed and was subsequently booed off the stage after 45 minutes of a 90 minute show.
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According to the NY Post, Mr. Sheen "whined profusely about the night he wrecked The Plaza suite, saying he just wanted to retrieve his wallet and "$173,000 watch" from a chick hiding in the bathroom, whom he'd already tipped $30,000."
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I hate it when that happens to me...

Mike Tyson is now a Police Officer...

Of course a convicted rapist and drug user who bit Evander Holyfield's ears off is a Police Officer...
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But Mike Tyson just posted this picture on Twitter with the following message: "Mike Tyson: I just joined law enforcement #100factsaboutme"
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UmmmmKay...
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I was a big Mike Tyson fan growing up. I think he was one hell of a boxer. I think he went completely BATSHIT NUTS for a while. But now he seems like a cool, calm, reflective guy who can even make fun of himself (See The Hangover).
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Mr. Tyson, if you are reading this, please don't beat the shit out of me like you did to Michael Spinks back in 1988. You can keep your pigeons in my place.
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Anatomy of the PERFECT sandwich...

So a friend got me this awesome Prosciutto and Fresh Mozzarella the other day...I have been planning this sandwich for two days.
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I start with the bread and Sweet Red Peppers.

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Then I added some turkey cold cuts. I like turkey cold cuts on pretty much everything. Sometimes I'll just eat a couple slices of turkey for the hell of it. Turkey is awesome.
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Now add the Prosciutto and Fresh Mozzarella before throwing it all in the broiler. About five minutes at 500 degrees should do the job.
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And what is pictured below is the result. Turkey, Prosciutto with melted Fresh Mozzerella on a semolina roll.
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Snake likes titties as much as I do...

I like titties. You like titties. This snake really likes titties.
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Here is video of disturbingly transvestite looking Isreali model Orit Fox playing with a snake in some country where Spanish is the primary language.
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It doesn't end well for either Ms. Fox, or the snake. Ms. Fox gets a snakebite on her left tittie and the snake died of silicon poisoning.
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Ms. Fox was reportedly okay after a tetanus shot. And she probably needs a new breast implant.
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The picture speaks for itself...

Important Information Regarding Your Ticket Buying Rights

I actually got this email:
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Important Information Regarding Your Ticket Buying Rights
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Dear KBilly,
As you read this, companies like Ticketmaster are working to implement a restrictive paperless ticketing system that could deprive you of your essential rights as a fan.
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With restrictive paperless ticketing, you pay for your ticket – but you don't own it. The transfer of your ticket is controlled by the company you bought it from.
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This means you may not be able to give your extra tickets to a friend, sell them to another fan, or even donate them to a charity. This could also mean the end of competition in the ticketing market, making it so companies like Ticketmaster could charge whatever fees they wanted and you'd have no alternative but to pay.
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Fortunately, we can fight this. The Fan Freedom Project was created to give fans like you a platform to voice your outrage toward restrictive paperless ticketing, and to learn what measures you can take to protect your rights.
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We've signed on to support the cause. And we hope you'll lend your voice to the fight today by registering at www.fanfreedom.org.
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Sincerely,
The StubHub Team

Who's the most PAID SNL alum? Eddie Murphy.

Going back and forth with the NBA All-Star Game and this Saturday Night Live commercial parody special. It got me wondering...Which SNL actor was the most financialy sucessful?
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Turns out that all you have to do is type "who is most finance successful saturday night live" into a search engine to find out the answer. Someone else did the work for my completely ridiculous question...
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I figured Eddie Murphy at the top of the list. From Beverly Hills Cop to Dr. Doolittle, the guy makes bank. But the rest threw me off a bit. I had Adam Sandler in the top 3. The Waterboy made $100 million.
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Rob Schneider at #4? Really? Ahead of Bill Murray? Bill Murray was in Ghostbusters and Caddyshack.
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Top Grossing (Total):
1. Eddie Murphy: 3.459 bil
2. Dan Aykroyd : 3.374 bil
3. Mike Myers: 3.335 bil
4. Rob Schneider: 2.992 bil
5. Bill Murray: 2.681 bil
6. Adam Sandler: 2.557 bil
7. Joan Cusack: 2.297 bil
8. Billy Crystal: 2.15 bil
9. Molly Shannon: 1.761 bil
10. John Lovitz: 1.339 bil
11. Anthony Michael Hall: 1.292 bil
12. Janeane Garofalo: 1.214 bil
13 Martin Short: 1.203 bil
14. Will Ferrell: 1.13 bil
15. Chevy Chase: 1.105 bil
16. Chris Rock: 977 mil
17. Phil Hartman: 634.6 mil
18. Christopher Guest: 488.7 mil
19. Dana Carvey: 428.6 mil
20. Chris Farley: 395.1 mil
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In related news, I have a crush on this current SNL cast member.
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